Running Away.

I’m in a strange place at the moment. I woke up feeling inspired, and motivated and happy. And then somewhere along the way it turned into this somberness type feeling. My anxiety peaked. And then it went right back to being happy. It’s weird. Feeling all of these things, all at once. I had plans to accomplish things today and I just didn’t do any of it. I told myself I was going to update my resume’, and blog and just be productive. But my thoughts brought me to so many different places. Have you  ever been there? On the emotional roller coaster that doesn’t seem to just end. Does it ever end? I find that I keep asking myself ‘what am I going to do next?’ ‘What’s going to happen?’ I wish that I could blame it all on work. Or my love life. Or my family. Or my friends. But I think that the problem is actually just really me. What a coward I can be.

My friend told me that she’s never seen somebody be kicked down as many times as I have and still get up. She said it makes some of the things other people go through so minuscule. She said sometimes she wants to ask people who are complaining ‘Have you ever met my friend Brooke?” But the thing is that usually people who get kicked down end up feeling strong in the end. They usually scream from mountain tops ‘I’VE MADE IT!’ , Or their confidence and their sheer will power is something to behold! But I feel small. Smaller each day, even. And I know it seems as if I’ve been doing nothing much but complaining, and if were going to be honest, it’s true –  but it feels good to get it out sometimes. Other times I leave here feeling worse than I did before I started. A friend told me that I’m taking a break from reality, and that it could be a good thing. But what if it’s the very worst possible thing that one could do? Because, isn’t running away from your problems way worse than facing them head on?

-B

“I get it, almost everything in this life happens either too late or too soon, too fast or too slow. You end up where you belong, not where you think you belong. There’s a big difference between that.” -R.M. Drake

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