Today I found myself making flash cards of important dates in History, and playing video games. Yeah, you read that right. American History flash cards and video games. What a fucking nerd, right? I mean, who does that…. for fun?! I didn’t even realize what the fuck I was even doing until AFTER the fact. Once I memorized 87 flash cards, finished a few quests in WoW, and made 3 different Sims, I realized that I am a complete and utter loser. Seriously, who even does that?

It wasn’t until after I made my 3rd sim that I realized that what I was actually doing was trying to live my life precariously through this 14 year old child’s video game. I made her thin, long black hair, and successful in the ‘dating’ world as well as in her ‘career preferences’. And with a few simple, simultaneous clicks of the “Ctrl + Shift + C” buttons and entering the word “Motherlode” …… BOOM ! Instant financial stability. She never had to worry about having the money to eat, or worry about going out with her friends to dance and  buy cocktails. And her dream job was something she did for fun. Something she enjoyed going to each day, something that wasn’t an obligation. She dates someone who actually likes her. Who wants to come over and hang out and invites her to birthday parties and out on dates. I mean, isn’t that everyone’s dream?

That stupid game actually made me sad. I had to shut off the monitor and walk away. What a completely stupid game. Why do I even own it? What about that even makes it fun? I have actually logged 1,227 hours into that game. Let me repeat that, One Thousand, Two-Hundred and Twenty Seven god damned hours into pretending to have a completely different life.


I need to start focusing on other things and other people.


One thought on “Loser.

  1. A good metaphor though. You want to escape and be something else. I know life has set lots of obstacles but instead of trying to hurdle them, just say fuck them and go make your life what you want it to be. Don’t jump or move them. Fuck the shit in your way. And be who you want and find your happiness

    Liked by 1 person

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