Ramblings.

I’ve been trying really really hard to relax. Who would have known it would be such a difficult thing to accomplish. Relaxation. Shouldn’t that shit just come easy? I’m out of one of my meds, the anti-psychotic. And my anxiety is bad. My insurance won’t cover a refill until tomorrow, which is complete bullshit if you ask me. How do you tell a crazy person they can’t have their crazy medicine? That’s like, ground zero if you ask me. Want someone to go awol? Tell them they can’t get their medicine. Shit? Meet Fan. Howdy-do.

On a lighter note, my friend sent me a message today telling me that while I’m on vacation seeing her for my birthday, she bought us train tickets to go to NYC for the day. I mean, seriously, how fucking amazing is that? It’s probably the only thing that’s kept me from going completely bonkers today. I know it’s materialistic and all, but hey. One day at a time, right?

I got out of the house for a little today. I went and picked up my sister and we went to the grocery store where I contemplated stealing my turkey lunch meat because you know, times are rough. I didn’t – by the way. Steal the lunch meat. But I was seriously thinking about it. Then we drove to pay the rent (jesus christ the rent) and then I came home and made myself a sandwich with this almost stolen turkey breast. It’s pretty out today. I keep looking to my right and watching all the cars pass by. Wondering where they’re off to. Kind of a weird thing to do, I know. But as I stated in my last post, I’m not necessarily the normal type of girl. I’m hoping my medical leave gets approved soon so that way I can get paid. That’s probably one of the causes of my anxiety today…. No cash.

I’m not really sure why I’m writing right now. I think it’s because I’m a tad bit bored and I’m just a little bit lonely. And I feel better when I’m just spilling it out for just anyone to read. I spoke to someone from work last night and I’m afraid she’s going to be looking for another store to go to. It really is bad at my job right now and I’m already counting down the days till my return.

I hope this medicine kicks in soon and I begin to feel like a person who can go out into the world.

xoxo -B

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