I would take physical pain any day of the week to get rid of the emotional pain I’ve been experiencing on a daily basis. Today was the day. The final straw. I gave back everything he’s asked for, everything he’s bought me. I no longer have any ties to this human being. A part of me feels relief. Its done. Its over. No more lying in bed at night wondering if he will ever actually pick me. No more worrying if he’s sleeping with or next to her. I’ve finally accepted the fact that I just was not good enough. That I never have been good enough For him. And that I never will be. But with that small relief there comes great pain. It’s taken me 28 years to completely and 100% fall in love with someone. I would have given my entire life to be with him. I held on so long to something I knew would never happen. I’ve been delaying this pain. And now it is hitting me full force. My chest is heavy. I can’t breathe. Its difficult to see past the glossy eyes. My tear streaked cheeks and the puffy redness that has originated from my nose and spread to my face being a dead giveaway that ive been hiding in the bathroom crying for hours. I don’t want to feel this anymore.
I don’t want to feel any thing.