If you’re reading this, I’m sorry…

Yesterday, I let my anger out on someone. I finally was pushed to the point of no return. I haven’t been that angry in years. And I mean it, YEARS. I said some really hateful things. Thing’s that I didn’t mean. Things I wish that I could take back. I never wanted to be that person again. Someone so full of hate. I’ve worked REALLLLYYYY hard to get past that. And in a split second, I reverted back. But I just want to say that if you are reading this, and you know who you are, I am sorry.

I’m sorry for saying those ugly, cruel things that I have said to you. I honestly never meant it. Any of it. You’re right, my home isn’t the greatest. It probably can get broken into with a butter knife. It’s shitty and old, but it’s a place that I’ve tried really hard to make my home.  It’s, for once in my life, something that is my own. I apologize for being spiteful. I am truly sorry for saying things to hurt you. Or to embarrass you. Or to make you feel like you made me feel – like less of a person.  See, yesterday I lied to you. You are not a horrible person. You’re actually bright and smart and for the most part, an INCREDIBLE human being. You were my best friend. My only friend for a very long, long time. You’ve help lift me up when I was down. You showed me light at the end of the tunnel. But along the way, I’ve lost any confidence that I had in myself. I began to believe that I didn’t deserve to be anything other than what I was to you. I began to believe that I wasn’t special. It finally has led me here, to wholeheartedly believe that I will never be important. You did not do this on purpose – I know. And you were right. We were both selfish. But I was loyal to you. Dedicated. I want you to know that I fucking loved you with every fiber of my being. It took me 28 years to find that. And I am sad to see it go. I would have done anything for you. Given up and given in to everything. But a part of me can’t live that life anymore. I hope you understand. I want you to know that even though it can’t be the way that it used to be – when we were the best of friends – if you EVER need me. For ANYTHING at all. Please, do not hesitate to reach out to me. In some way. I am sorry for being that spiteful person. I will always have love for you. You have been the ying to my yang. You are special. You are important. Thank you for letting me experience this journey. I wish you absolutely nothing but the best. I wish you happiness. And the best of luck. I’m sorry that things could not work out. I’m sorry that we are not able to even be friends. I’m sorry that I was not good enough. I’m sorry that I never was, and I am SINCERELY sorry that I never will be.

xoxo- B

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