It’s been a minute. Things have been very up and down. I don’t really know how I’m feeling right now. I guess after last night, a little used up and sad. Intermittently numb. A tad bit stupid.
Fucking up is a hobby of mine. Not necessarily one I enjoy, but something I find myself doing regularly. Apologizing is a hard thing to do. Especially when you know you’re wrong.
I’m tired of being awake, of thinking. So I’m going to take my meds, even though it’s not even 2pm.
I’m going to go to sleep. Forget for a little while.
A person can only be strong for so long. And each individual’s breaking point is all different. Some cry. Some shoot up movie theatre’s. Some take their own life. Rock bottom can bring out the very worst in people. I believe I have been there before. I believe that I am here again. However, I am not going to shoot up a school.
Last night on my way home I cried. And I’m not really sure why. I guess its partly because I felt used. Partly because I felt not wanted. Partly because I know that I am not needed. And partly because no matter how hard I try to pursue something, I always seem to fall short. I’m going to be 29 next month, and absolutely nothing to show for my life. If that isn’t enough to bring someone to their knees, I’m not sure what is.