Loss is a weird and complicated thing. One second you don’t feel anything. The next second, you feel everything. You can be confused, devastated, sad, and angry all within a 5 minute period. It can be like a pinball machine. It can knock the breath out of you. It is probably one of the worst things to ever deal with.
Of a family member or friend. A co-worker or a lover. They can die, or you can both just part ways. Either way, dealing with a loss can be soul crushing. How long does it take to pick yourself back up and move forward? A day? A week? A month? Does it ever really go away? Will it always stick with you? Is it just another chapter in your story that you sometimes go back and re-read? Will the pain of that loss ever ease? If there is a God, which I’m sure of, why does he put good, strong people through things like this?
I found myself asking these questions last night. And I had no real, true answer. I’m just as lost as I was when everything started tipping downward. I keep trying to hold my head up high, but I’m growing weary. Tired.
I just want to give up.